Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
