dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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