hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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