I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
