then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
as a side note pls kill me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
