the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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