Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He felt like a one man threesome
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
