Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
