Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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