Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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