There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
