My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
