Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
