When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
