he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
