Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize