Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
