Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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