He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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