Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well you can't waste a boner
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
