yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
