the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
