So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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