remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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