Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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