Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
