I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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