Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
