We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
