Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
