I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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