oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
