quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
