I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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