i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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