There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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