clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
