oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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