I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
