Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
