hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
