I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
