soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
