When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
