i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
