i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
