No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
