You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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