i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
