But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize