it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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