I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
