I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
