Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize