i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
