just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize