Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
