And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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