If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
