i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
