Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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