We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
