Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
