Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
