am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
