Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
