My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize