i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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