i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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