Can i not drive my cunt home
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Quick, to the slutcave!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
