my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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