Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
