I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A bitchslap is in order.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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