What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
