So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize