She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Text me some of your sweat
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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