Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
