I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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