Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
