Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's like iHOP with fire
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
