She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
