my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm always down for nudity.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
