You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
