I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
