i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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