I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
