I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
