Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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