I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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