I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
