Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize