Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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