Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we should paint friendship bongs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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