chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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