it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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