I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
