Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize