So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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