Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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