I'm passing your future prison.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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