he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
