I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
