i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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