Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
